Throwback Thursday: These

Written July 25, 2007. A half decent poem by 19-year-old Rachael. I actually quite like this one.

I'm still awake and
Life's not easy and
Sometimes it hurts to look at the pictures
you know.

I said I would sleep and 
I sit here thinking of the future
glamorizing the past and 
it's sad and sweet and beautiful
you know.

I doubt I'll dream I'll
just fall into oblivion-
It's a dream just to kiss you dear.
Yet it's so easy to go back and remember
these stolen moments in another life.

A playground, a pond, 
A rooftop, a fountain with water streaming high
These are places where I loved life and dove deep
into something wild and unknown. 

No regrets.

And these ghosts- I have buried-
Until they became reality - I can see them now.
it's flawed but good and good but flawed-
I am past my idealizations of these boys
and see them now as men.

These stories I have written
with a pen called teenage love and loss
have taught me and now
I love to read them and remember-
even if it is I alone.

-And It is nothing wrong for you dear- nothing wrong-
just me trysting with old friends-
my heart likes to think on how it leapt and flew-

Just know and think and remember these things-

when you told me stories by a running creek
when you danced with me in a movie theater
when you held me close as deer drew close to watch
when you kissed me while I held your car keys ransom

and lord, when you shouted- shouted my name 
racing through a crowded party just to find me

you captured a place in my mind and soul
a place that is not emptied or broken by your absence 
but strengthened with the lengthening memories of these-

all these boys who caught my eyes and stole my heart
in windswept moments through time.

Finally giving it back- 
intact and whole and beating so strong- 
so one last -you dear- 
could hold it and keep it safe.

So now it's a Thank You for these
as I head away from Neverland and 
towards the city of unnamed streets and
sometimes I dream of kissing you dear
you know.

I said I would sleep and
my limbs are weary and 
now I put this child and all- 
all of these to rest and
life's not easy but it's beautiful
you know.